Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

We live in an age of instant gratification, media-driven purchases and spur-of-the-moment decisions. When we’re young and carefree the thought of life’s tomorrows is distant but, as we age, those tomorrows come closer, and our decisions around them need to be carefully considered – especially those that revolve around retirement, both for ourselves and for our ageing parents.

Most of our parents would have planned for their future, but – with escalating living costs, a higher than expected inflation rate and a lifespan that, with healthier lifestyles and medical advancements, has increased by about a decade – this future might not be as rosy as they hoped. So, it’s time to step in … and help with the decisions, and sometimes with financial aid too.

Making these decisions can be both stressful and emotionally taxing – and I speak from experience, having moved one set of parents into a retirement village last year, and my mum into a frail care facility a few weeks ago. Neither was particularly well  planned, nor without the ripple effect of frayed relationships and the stress that comes with it. Something we can all do without.

So how can we avoid these pitfalls and make the transition into a relaxed retirement enjoyable for all?

Early planning

None of us likes to feel shoved out of our comfort zones, perhaps our place of employment on retirement, or our homes when we are unable to cope anymore – whether that be physically or financially. And our parents are likely to appreciate it even less. So early planning is essential ,as change becomes more difficult to accept the older we get. Have those difficult conversations over a braai or family dinner, keep it light and conversational (as against confrontational) and have them many years before they are necessary. This will allow the seed to be sown and make the follow-up conversations a lot easier.

Open communication

It is crucial to keep the lines of communication open, to allow input and comment from all members of the family – especially our parents. There will be negative comments; allow for them and counter them with kindness and understanding, being encouraging rather than disparaging.

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Find out what’s important to them … being close to friends and family members? Staying in the same area where driving is familiar? Or perhaps a move to the coast for a warmer climate? Discuss the options and take time to visit a variety of retirement estates and accommodations both near and far – the more you see, the easier it will be to make the final decision.

Include the whole family

There is nothing worse for a sibling than to feel excluded in the decision-making process around one’s parents. Yes, it might be appropriate for the family member that is closest location-wise to have the loudest say, but never to the detriment of the others. Currently many families are spread across the globe, but with technology and the ease of communication that is no excuse. WhatsApp photos and videos are just so easy to send, and Skype calls make joint conversations a breeze!

Consider all the options

Several families are choosing to combine their assets and have their parents move into a ‘granny flat’ on their property. While this seems to be a win-win scenario for all, it is not without its complications. It might be ideal when in-house baby-sitters and child minders are required, but along with that comes the potential of meddling and interference, and then what happens when said parents have ‘outgrown’ the capabilities of the granny flat? When health issues dictate a change of scene, a second move then becomes inevitable and considerably more stressful, especially as it will be even later in life. Surely it’s better to look for a long-term solution right from the start?

For those who are still relatively fit and healthy, independent living within a retirement village is probably the ideal choice. Here residents are able to continue living much as they always have but with the security of knowing that there is on-call emergency assistance if required. Ideally one would look at a development that offers the option of home-based care so that when the unfortunate reality of declining health rears its head there is the comfort of knowing that an appropriate care package is available. It is a huge relief knowing you can live out your days in the comfort of your own home. And if it gets to a time when the level of care required is beyond the scope of home-care, then the availability of assisted living units would be ideal – here meals are often provided, and healthcare is readily available. There is also comfort in knowing that a frail care facility is available for those that can no longer fend for themselves, but this really should be a last resort.

The retirement estate segment in the property market is showing continued growth, with demand generally outstripping supply. Traditionally these were developed as sectional title developments in which residents own their home and pay a monthly levy towards amenities, the availability of healthcare facilities and general upkeep. However, the life rights model, where the home is purchased for the remainder of the retiree’s life, is gaining popularity. It is often more affordable despite its not being much of a financial investment, as it is sold back to the developer when the resident no longer has need for it, with no capital gains. The investment, however, is in terms of security – physical, health and financial – for the duration of the resident’s life.

There are numerous retirement estates and villages to choose from – some are large, others small and more exclusive (and generally more costly); some urban and others have a more country feel; some offer spacious villas and others chic apartments – but all in all, most offer a fabulous lifestyle, a variety of sporting facilities, a clubhouse and restaurant, a great community environment, and the benefit of health security. So take the time to explore the options and find somewhere that ticks all the boxes for your family.

Handle with kindness and grace

As the ‘big move’ edges closer, trepidation is likely to set in and negative emotions can be expected. It has been said that a move is the next most stressful thing after losing a family member and going through a divorce, so above all else, now is the time to put our emotions and – dare I say it – frustrations aside, and to consider the wellbeing of our parents.

Thankfully, if handled correctly, this can be an exciting time for all – a time of new beginnings and hopefully some happy endings.